As a 5 year old I was diagnosed with a disease called “legg perthes.” Legg perthes is a childhood hip disorder initiated by a disruption of blood flow to the ball of the femur called the femoral head. Due to the lack of blood flow, the bone dies and stops growing. So for several years I wore a leg brace (picture Forrest Gump). It was during this time that I had my first encounter with what I’d like to call a defining moment. Over the course of one’s life there will be many of these, but this was The One that had the first lasting impression:
I was 6 years old and had just come home from my day as a first grader. As I sat with my mother and enjoyed several of her fresh, baked cookies, I began to complain (again) about my brace and the restrictions it seemed to place on my life. At that moment, my 27 year old mother placed her hands around my fat little face and looked straight into my eyes, and said, “Stevie, you will never control how long you will wear this brace. But it is your attitude and the way you conduct yourself as you meet each day that you can control. If you are negative, you will have no friends. But if your attitude is right and you find a way to make this difficult situation your ‘friend’ then you will inspire others and you
will do wonderful things in your life.” It seems strange, but I understood what she meant. I went on to ride a bicycle, swim, and play baseball that summer. In time, the brace was removed (a miracle) and I played college football, making All-American teams for three years. Oh, and my mom? After our conversation she went into her bedroom and cried. Sometimes loving someone the right way is deeply painful.
“Faith is not about everything turning out OK; Faith is about being OK no matter how things turn out.”
On February 19th of this year I finally grew tired of the pain and inconvenience of an arthritic right hip that was caused by the legg perthes and playing college football.
I was also involved in a truck, train collision (the train hit the truck and the truck rolled over me). My hip was replaced and the recovery lasted much longer than expected. In that time when my plans didn’t go according to my expectations was I ok with that?
Not really. Very few people that I know love pain and depleted strength and isolation. But in the pain and depletion and isolation is there peace? Is there the acute understanding that it is ok not to be in control and that it is ok not to be doing projects that validate and is it ok to wait?
A friend recently sent me a subtle, but profound text that said,
“Are you… responding to The Lord or are you just doing projects?”
I believe that the overflow of a life abiding in Jesus (John 15) will express itself through visible expressions of service. But the fine, delicate line is this: “are we listening to the Holy Spirit or are we just “doing” for the sake of “doing?”
Reflecting often on the words of my 27-year-old mother I am reminded that often I cannot control my circumstances, but I can control my attitude toward my circumstances and learn to embrace them as a friend…
