On a recent trip to Costa Rica, we met with dear friends for dinner. I asked them if they would tell us what they loved and appreciated about their children?
So “she” went first and shed a few tears as she told us specifics about their character traits that she loved and about the way they expressed their love toward her. “He” spoke for some time about their son and his amazing intellect, great hugs, communication skills and so much more. He then turned to his daughter and said that she was a combination of what was the best from his mother and his wife, her mother. He paused and began to cry. As he cried, he asked her for her forgiveness for not being present more in her life and not being the kind of father that she needed. He “vowed” that from this time forward he would be the kind of father who would be there for her and protect the things that would nurture her heart and love the things that she loved, yes, even Formula One Racing. She is passionate about Formula One Racing. Their daughter sat at the table silently with tears streaming down her face. As our dinner concluded, everyone went into the kitchen except for the daughter and her father and me. Their daughter got up from her chair and walked to where her father sat and wrapped her arms around him from the back as he sat there. She laid her head upon his shoulder and pressed her face into his cheek. He caressed her arm and closed his eyes. They were there for five minutes, silent, but expressing so much more than words could ever express. As we left that evening, my friends expressed to us that their children NEVER stay at the dinner table when the meal is finished except when we have been there. They do not stay when any of their other adult friends are present. They said, “Our children feel valued and listened to and they feel loved.” In saying our good-byes, the father hugged me and hugged me. It was a good night, an amazing night.
“Presence is more important than proclamation,with, then words.”
We had specific goals in why we were in Costa Rica, yes, but we were there to do what God might have us do. Most times, if not every time, God uses our specific reasons or goals for being someplace as His opportunity to accomplish an even greater purpose. I think that what happened at dinner with this dear family was just one of the many “other reasons” we went to Costa Rica.
We were also able to see other relationships healed, expectations altered, hope restored, and love rekindled.
Many have asked, “Why two and a half days? Why don’t you stay for a week?”
We have found that less really is more. We have discovered that in the intensity of packed and, most of the time, stressful situations, we are able to accomplish more, much more. The travel and the full days are exhausting, but they are worth it. Our conversations are rich and hope-filled. Our expressions of love and affirmation are welcomed, and our farewells, all of them, are difficult.
Reconciliation and forgiveness seemed to follow us at every step along this 2.5-day journey and in the journey, we, too, are reminded of this message and the need for it in our own lives. It is a daily choice, and it is pivotal in all that we do. Asking the right question just might change the world.
